I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
