So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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