I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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