Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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