I accidentally had phone sex last night
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
