VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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