I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
