so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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