it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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