yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
