he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
