i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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