if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
