I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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