she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
