Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
is wine microwaveable?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
