I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
