Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
