Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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