Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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