I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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