I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
