The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
