so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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