It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
