I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
