woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
