You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
