Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
