The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
