Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
