3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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