She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
