Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
