Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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