That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
