He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
