Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
love makes seman taste better
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
