Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
