Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
there's paper in my vomit.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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