she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
