Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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