Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
What a dumb baby whore.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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