non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Randomize
