with your own penis?
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
