I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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