Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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