i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
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I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
God I need to hump something, right now.
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