I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
