tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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