I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
