I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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