After last night, I could never be a politician.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
