let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
