The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
