I accidentally burped into my bong.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
