Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
3pm strippers are depressing
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
