I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
