I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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