bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
