you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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