look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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