I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
