apparently the secret to your success is patron
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
