I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Apparently you make a good broom.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
