I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
how does that bad decision feel?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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