Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize