Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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