yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize