Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
