so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Randomize
