Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
