i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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