I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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