What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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