The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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