I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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