dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
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Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
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Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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