Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Is it because I queefed?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
